


4 weeks

by orphan_account



Category: Johnny's Entertainment, Sexy Zone
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-20
Updated: 2013-07-20
Packaged: 2017-12-20 18:33:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/890496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Kento tells Fuma that he will be going abroad for a University exchange for 4 weeks, Fuma doesn't think much of it. It's only a month. No big deal.<br/>But then, Kento is gone, and Fuma notices just how much his best friend really means to him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	4 weeks

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Rokakun and Stormy1990 (because they are the best friends one can have)](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Rokakun+and+Stormy1990+%28because+they+are+the+best+friends+one+can+have%29), [(and because they always put up with my bombardement of fanfictions XD)](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=%28and+because+they+always+put+up+with+my+bombardement+of+fanfictions+XD%29).



> Hey everyone! So, this was supposed to be a drabble, but it grew and grew and GREW and then it had 17 word pages and yeah, is obviously a full grown one-shot ;)  
> Part of this fanfiction was totally inspired by how my best friends and I behave at the moment, skyping for nothing and such XD It made me wonder how FumaKen would act if they did not see each other every day, and yeah, this came out of it.   
> I hope you enjoy my spontanious silly ideas XD This one is like 100% fluff. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Fuma’s POV

When Nakajima told me that he would go abroad to participate in an exchange program of his university for a month, I did not think much of it, at first. Sure, I was a little worried about the consequences it might have for the band, but on the other hand, we were not involved in a lot of publicity at the moment anyways: No singles, no album, no concerts or anything that might need our presence as a group, and magazine shoots and everything could be taken before he left. Even if he missed a Shounen Club filming or two, the fans would not think much of it, since it was nothing unusual. So really, no big deal. 

“As long as you don’t pull an Akanishi and leave us alone for months at once” I had shrugged at him when he told me about it. “Have fun!”

Nakajima had grinned at me, and I could see the excitement in his eyes. He had always had a weak point for traveling and western culture, and to be able to experience the New Yorker University life was close to a dream to him, I could tell that much. 

And yeah, it was only a month. So what. We could all do a month without him.

That was what I had thought… until he was gone, and suddenly, my whole world decided to crumble and drop right on my head in his absence.

It started with small things, like troubles at university and with a professor, and I just wanted someone to talk to, and since Nakajima was my best friend and always the first one to call, I had already dialed his number, before I remembered that he was gone. I felt slightly silly at the helpless feeling that spread through me at the realization, especially when I had so many other people around who were close enough to actually talk to, but I did not really feel like it, so I just kept everything to myself. 

I made it another day before I wrote a mail to him, just asking if he had arrived safely and what he was doing, hoping that I would somehow feel better when I got news from him. When all he wrote back was a short answer that he was fine and enjoying himself immensely and he would tell me everything about it when he was not so busy, I felt even more frustrated than before, somehow. 

The feeling only intensified more as the days dragged on, all without a proper message from Nakajima, and work and university continuing to pester me. Because contrary to my expectation, it really did make a _huge_ difference when Nakajima was gone. I had not even realized the importance of our leader until he was missing from our middle.

Somehow, Nakajima had always managed to create a balance in our still not quite acclimatized band, intervening when problems seemed to arise and doing prevention work without any of us actually noticing. But now that he was gone, no one was there to calm Sou down when he had one of his pubertal tantrums, or to listen to Marius when he was talking so much that even Sou got annoyed, or to ease Shori out of his regular fits of insecurities. And to be honest, I was a crappy leader, especially when I was not in the best mood myself. 

It took about one week of this disastrous combination until Sou and I started to shout at each other, and Marius’ shy tries for mediation were met with our anger directing to him, ending in him storming out of the room in tears and Shori looking back and forth between us a little helplessly before hurrying after him. 

We needed our manager to intervene before Sou and I actually calmed down enough to stop shouting, and Marius to return to the dressing room, all puffy eyed and drawn in. 

“Kikuchi-Kun” The manager had looked at me sternly, as if all of this was my fault. “I know you are tensed because Nakajima is gone, but still, pull yourself together, will you?!” I was just about to protest and tell him that it was all Sou’s fault when he continued, just as exasperated as me: “ _You_ are the eldest of the group now. You should show some sense for responsibility.”

I had bit my lip and glared at him, though I knew, of course, that he was right. It was just that I had never had to worry about these kind of things. In B.I. Shadow as well as in Sexy Zone Nakajima had automatically shouldered all the leadership responsibilities, leaving me in a position where I did not need to worry about much.

It had always been natural for me, that Nakajima was around. I had never questioned my luck of having him at my side, taking it for granted. Now, I understood how much I actually depended on his presence. How much I actually _needed_ him in my life.

It was that night, that I got a call from Nakajima on Skype. At first, I thought the manager had written to him about how all his band members had apparently gone insane and asked for his help, but from the calm smile that appeared on the screen as I took the call, it did not seem to be the case.

“Hey!” he grinned, waving at his webcam. “Sorry for my lack of messages, it seems like I’m out all the time… But today I’m not actually supposed to be anywhere until evening, so I thought I’d give you a call. How are things going?”

I only stared at the screen, biting my lip, fighting the irrational wave of tears I felt crawling up my throat. Nakajima frowned, arranging his webcam.

“Fuma?” he checked again. “Can you hear me?”

I nodded, biting my lip so hard that I was surprised it didn’t bled, and then Nakajima looked at his screen more closely, apparently noticing that there was something off with me.

“Fuma, is everything okay?” he asked gently. “What happened?”

The question made the last straw of my self-control snap and then, the first tear ran down my cheek. Nakajima’s eyes went wide. 

“ _What happened?!”_ he repeated, slightly worried. “Is everything alright?! Fuma, talk to me!”

I wiped at my cheeks in embarrassment, but the tears did not stop falling from my eyes, and I had seriously no clue what to tell him. What had happened? Nothing really. The problem was just that he was _not there_ , and that sounded too pathetic to voice out loud.

“Fuma” Nakajima said sternly, when I still did not answer. “If you don’t talk in like 5 seconds, I will call Hokuto and send him to your house. I saw he was online too, so don’t think I’m joking.”

“That’s not-“ I started to protest in a cracking voice, but Nakajima just raised his eyebrows, counting: “1”

“It’s silly, okay?!” I groaned. 

“It can’t be silly if you’re crying over it” Nakajima pointed out. “2”

“You will laugh at me” I murmured in a small voice.

“What makes you think I would laugh at whatever leaves you in this condition?!” Nakajima almost snapped. “I would fly over, if it weren’t like 16 hours from me to you and a ridiculous amount of money to pay for it.”

That sentence let a small sob escape my lips and Nakajima seemed even more alarmed, and I realized just how lucky I actually was to have this guy as my best friend. Why had I never noticed that before?!

“Fuma” he murmured pleadingly, his tone growing gentler again. “What happened?”

“Nothing really happened” I admitted, and Nakajima raised a skeptic eyebrow at me. “It’s just… I really… really… miss you. That’s all.”

Nakajima stared at me for a long moment, blinking, before bringing out a confused: “Huh?”

“I’m not used to not having you around, okay?!” I babbled, trying to make me not seem like the biggest emotional looser, somehow. “I can’t deal with the kids alone! Sou treats us all like enemies in one of his video games and I’m like ready to punch him if he snaps at me one more time, and then I shouted at Marius and I swear, the moment those big brown puppy dog eyes teared up I was ready to hand in my resignation and move to Alaska, and then, like I did not already feel like the world’s most incapable group leader already, the manager shouted at me too and I just like – I hate this!” I pointed out, kicking my bag on the ground just to let out some steam. “You can’t just leave me alone like that, idiot! This is all your fault!”

“You told me it’s okay” he reminded me, almost automatically.

“ _Since when do you listen to anything I say?!_ ” I whined, and Nakajima took a deep breath, as if finally having assessed the situation and now being ready to deal with it.

“Okay, Fuma, breathe” he said gently, unconsciously moving closer to the screen. “I’m sorry you’re having a bad time, really. You should have told me. I would have called you sooner if I had known!”

“But you were busy” I pointed out. 

“Yes, but never too busy for _you_ if you need me!” he said softly. “You are my best friend, and if you want someone to talk, I’m always there, okay? Screw time differences and busy schedules.”

I had to fight against an impossible new wave of tears at his words, and _damn_ , this was what made him such a good friend, after all. He could have laughed at me and pointed out that it was silly for me to already be such a wreck after barely a week without him, but instead he was nice about it and even apologized. 

“I know Sou is difficult sometimes” Nakajima continued, not waiting for a response from me. “There are days when I just want to bang his head against a wall, too. Just don’t let it get to you. Ignore him, he will calm down by himself. Tomorrow he will have forgotten your fight, so don’t worry.”

“Marius won’t have forgotten” I murmured regretfully.

“But Mari is forgiving” Nakajima shrugged. “Apologize and give him a brotherly hug and he will let it be.”

“Still, I can’t do this for another 3 weeks, Nakajima!” I groaned desperately. “I’m not cut out for this! I’m not you!”

“Oh come on, you’re in the top 5 of favorite senpai of the current Juniors!” Nakajima pointed out. “You’re pleasant-natured. Just try to relax a little. I’ll be back soon.”

“Not soon enough” I murmured, and Nakajima smiled a little.

“We’ll write mails more regularly now” he promised softly. “And we will talk like this as often as both of us can make time for it. You will not even notice that I’m gone anymore, not really.”

I had only scoffed at him, but as the time went by, it really became a little easier, I realized. Nakajima wrote to me every day, telling me about his day and asking about mine, and those little messages always managed to lighten my mood so much that I could somehow make it through the day. 

Also, every 2 to 3 days, we managed to actually be online at the same time to skype. It always depended on our mood how those conversations went – when we were both tired, we would just lazily talk about nothing while doing other things, making us seem like an old married couple, somehow. On other days, we would dive into the deepest conversations, talking about our future, the sense of live and why nobody sold wine gum in Japan.

“Say, Nakajima” I murmured one evening, when I had taken my laptop to bed and cuddled into the blankets already, too lazy and tired to keep a pretense of being still up but not wanting to hang up and end our conversation, either. “Are we behaving creepy?”

“Why?” Nakajima blinked, looking up from the homework he was doing to look at the screen.

“Because of _this_ ” I pointed out, signaling to the screen. “It seems like we’re in a relationship or something!”

“You are the clingy girlfriend that can’t live without me” Nakajima shrugged, smiling when I glared at him tiredly. “Relax and stop pondering about everything. It will give you wrinkles, and the fans won’t appreciate that.”

“But we’re communicating every day” I drawled on, voicing, probably because of my tiredness, what had bothered me all the time. “and I still manage to miss you. I think I am _too_ attached to you.”

“Don’t say that” Nakajima frowned, as if unhappy with the thought. “We can’t be ‘too attached’, that’s nonsense.”

“Are you sure?” I asked skeptically. 

“We’re just missing each other _because_ we’re always communicating” Nakajima grumbled, turning back to his book. “We’re just used to having the other around. Of course we will feel like something is wrong when we’re apart.”

I had to bite back a smile about him admitting to missing me, too, and asked: “So you think we don’t need to worry about getting too close?”

“No” Nakajima shook his head. “We’re best friends and work partners. Of course we are important to each other. I think it’s normal.”

I nodded, continuing to watch him work. 

In the last week, though, things seemed to become weird. Nakajima had said that it was impossible to get “too close”, but by now, I was feeling things that seemed too intense to be only friendship anymore. 

It was the way I sent Nakajima increasingly more messages over the days, about little useless things, and how, instead of complaining, Nakajima answered to every stupid thing, and began to write to me in the same manner. Or how I began to stay up late every night, hoping irrationally that he might still find time to come online. 

What really made something click, though, was when we were skyping and I watched his face on the screen, telling me about something that had happened in class that day, and I could only listen partially because I was distracted by the sudden feeling of wanting to have him close to me again.

To not only see him through the screen. To have him across from me again, and be able to see more than that limited field of view of him. To have his scent around, his voice clear, and to be able to reach out to him. 

It was then, that I thought that I wanted to hold him close. 

I stared at the way Nakajima laughed about something he told me, and noticed how my heart made a little jump at his smile, and though ‘ _fuck’,_ because I knew that I was seriously in trouble now.

“Fuma?” Nakajima frowned, waving into the camera. “Are you listening to me?”

“What?” I blinked, running my tongue over my lips in nervousness, unsure of how to react with my insides still screaming at my own realization. “I just… Sorry, I was distracted.”

“ _Listen_ , Fuma!” Nakajima groaned, sending me an impressive glare. “I’m spending more time online talking to you then to my own Mum, the least you can do is listen. Or I will hang up!”

“No!” I protested quickly, making Nakajima smirk at my automatic panicky reaction. 

“I like the kind of power that I have over you since I left” he teased. “It gives me something to blackmail you with.” 

I gulped, wondering if he had any idea just _how much_ power over me he really possessed.

I lay awake all night after the sudden revelation of my own feelings, thinking back and forth, unsure what to do. Because clearly, I was overdoing it here with my recent Nakajima-obsession. It could hardly continue like this. It would make everything too complicated if I continued growing these too intense feelings for Nakajima. 

And most importantly, it would pressure our friendship. And we all knew by know that loosing Nakajima was the one thing I was most afraid of.

So the next day, I controlled myself, and managed to not write a single message to Nakajima, or to even check my mails. I stayed away from Skype and my laptop all together, occupying myself with university work, trying to think as little as possible of my best friend on the other side of the globe.

When in the next morning in university, I allowed myself to check my mails, I had 9 unread messages from him. 

_“Good morning ♥ We’re all heading out to Liberty Island later after class! Looking forward to it ~~~”_

_“Hey, everything okay at yours? Usually I wake up to tons of messages from you. Just wondering.”_

_“Class is so boring when you only understand half of what the prof is saying… Guess I need to still work on my English, after all :-/”_

_“Heading out now <3 Gonna send you photos!”_

_“Say, why are you so quiet?! Have you left your phone in the agency again?!”_

_“Okay, Fuma, this is not funny. I know you’re home by now. Why are you not answering?!”_

_“Great, now I can’t enjoy our trip and everyone keeps asking me why I obsessively check my phone. I feel stupid for worrying. Please send me a message when you read this, okay?”_

_“It started to rain. I miss Tokyo. --- click here to open attachment ---“_

_“… Where are you? Has something happened? :-/ I’m too used to talking to you like this. Don’t just disappear on me. That’s not fair.”_

I clung to my phone more tightly with each message I read, feeling like I was physically hurting from them. 

I headed straight home after university ended, glad about the fact that today was one of my rare free days from work. I was still thinking about what excuse to give to Nakajima or if I should just go ahead and talk honestly about what was going on when I started my laptop, and as soon as Skype had logged itself in, a call flashed up on my screen.

_Nakajima Kento_

Perplexed, I looked at the clock. It was 2 am in New York right now, and it was a week day. _Why_ was he still awake?!

My fingers shook a little as I clicked on “Answer”, and I gulped when Nakajima’s face appeared on the screen, looking tired but angry all the same. I could see that he was clearly lying in bed, but did not seem to have slept. Maybe he had waited up for me?

“ _Where were you?!”_ Nakajima groaned, not even bothering with a greeting of any sorts. “I was worried sick! I thought something had happened and you were lying in hospital or-“

“No, I’m fine” I admitted in a small voice.

“I can see that!” he scoffed. “Why did you not answer any of my mails?!” I bit my lip, still not having come to a conclusion about what to answer to that question, and Nakajima groaned, murmuring: “I swear, Fuma, I’m tired and I don’t have much patience right now. Don’t fuck with me.”

I took a deep shaky breath, before looking up at the screen again.

“You said there was no way I could grow ‘too attached’ to you” I started, reminding him of his own words, and Nakajima frowned. “But I think you were wrong.”

“What the heck?!” Nakajima snapped. “Will you stop with this nonsense and-“

“I think I’m in love with you” I interrupted him, the words flying out of my mouth without my own consent. 

Nakajima froze, staring. I closed my eyes, unable to look at the screen. 

“This is the reason why I can’t even take a day, or a few hours, without hearing from you” I murmured. “This is why I feel so lost without you. This is why I miss you so much, not only emotionally, but also _physically_. I want you close. Close enough to touch. Too close to be explained away with friendship still. And it scares me so much.”

There was a moment of silence, before I heard Nakajima’s soft voice through the speakers.

“Fuma. Open your eyes and look at me.”

I gulped before doing what he said, my eyes focusing on his face on his screen. We just looked at each other for a moment, and it had never been more noticeable for me that the freaking computer screen and all those miles were in between us. I wanted nothing more than to be there with him, to look into his own eyes, and not just a projection of them.

It took me off guard, when Nakajima’s next words were: “I think I feel the same way.”

My eyes grew wide as I stared at him. “Huh?!” was all I was able to bring out.

“When you did not answer today” Nakajima murmured, biting his lip and looking down, out of my field of vision. “I felt so _helpless_ all day, even though I knew that it was ridiculous. It feels like I’m so addicted to hearing from you that I can’t even go a day without it anymore. I think I became even clingier than you, in the end.”

“No, I think we’re fairly even” I said with a small smile, and Nakajima sighed, pressing his face into his pillow.

“What do we do now?!” he asked when he looked up again. 

“Face our feelings?” I suggested tentatively, feeling strangely light and brave, now that I was actually talking to Nakajima. “Because I don’t think I can fight them, when I know that you’re feeling the same.”

“… And what if it all ends in a disaster?” Nakajima murmured softly. 

Of course, we both knew what could happen – it could all go downhill, and we could grow to hate each other, destroying both our friendship and the atmosphere in our group. It could come out, and harm both our careers and the band. So much was at stake with this. 

But on the other hand… 

“If the other choice is staying away from you” I almost whispered. “I don’t think I can take that.”

Nakajima looked at me, before nodding.

“True” he agreed. “I can’t, either.”

I smiled at him, and Nakajima smiled back before groaning and burying his face in the pillow again. 

“Great, now I want to be with you even more” he said, voice so muffled through the pillow that I had difficulties catching it. “I want to hug you.”

“Me too” I murmured, my arms almost tickling with the sensation. “You can’t imagine how much.”

3 days later, Nakajima was finally returning home. I skipped University to meet up with his parents at Narita Airport to pick him up. I knew that I had to hold back while his parents were around, but I still _needed_ to see him as quickly as possible. The weeks we had been apart had just been too long for that. 

Still, when he finally appeared through the gates, pulling his huge suitcase behind him and looking all disheveled from the long flight, I could not help the huge silly smile that spread across my face. I felt like a kid on Christmas morning at seeing him, or maybe better, and if I had not yet accepted that I was in love with him anyways, had had long detailed discussions about it with Nakajima for days via Skype, I might have panicked anew at the intensity of my own feelings. 

Nakajima smiled back when our eyes met, tired features lightning up instantly, but his mother was the first to reach him and pull him into a hug. I counted inwardly to 37 and waited patiently until his mother had finished her fussing and his father had also exchanged a few words with him and taken his suitcase before they allowed Nakajima to finally turn to me. 

Our eyes met and we had our arms thrown around each other faster than both of us could have even voiced anything. I gulped against the bundle of emotions that crawled up my throat as I felt Nakajima’s warmth against me, smelled his scent, turned my head and felt his soft hair against my cheek. 

We hugged just for a moment longer than was probably okay, friendship-wise, and then pulled away, too aware of his parents standing just next to us.

On the way to the car and the entire drive home, Nakajima’s parents kept shooting questions at him, wanting him to tell them all about his experiences, complaining that he had barely called them during the month he was gone (whoops). I kept quiet mostly, just enjoying his closeness as I sat next to him on the backseat. At some point, Nakajima shyly entwined our fingers with his bag on his lap shielding it from his parents’ view, not even looking at me, but there was a slight blush on his cheeks as he continued to talk to his parents and I had to look out of the window to keep my smile to myself. 

Back at their house, Nakajima’s mother had prepared food and even though he voiced again and again that he was not really hungry and feeling exhausted, they were unwilling to let him draw back to his room with me. So we sat there with them for a little more than an hour still, until Nakajima finally insisted that he was tired and just wanted to unpack and have some quiet minutes. His mother raised an eyebrow as he asked me to come up with him, but kept from making a comment. 

The way up to his room seemed too long, as my heart kept hammering in my chest, my whole body too aware of Nakajima’s just next to me, close enough to reach out to, but I refrained myself. It was only when he had dropped the suitcase into a corner and I had finally let the door fall closed behind us, that he turned to look at me. 

Our eyes met for a strangely long moment before Nakajima crossed the distance between us and slung his arms around my neck. My own hands found their way around his waist as if it was the most natural thing for them, clinging to him, taking in his scent. My heart did a strange thing between jumping out of my ribcage and feeling a familiar sense of calmness at the same time.

“Gosh, you don’t know how much I _craved_ to be able to do this” Nakajima whispered, and I nodded, holding him just a little tighter.

We hugged each other for what was probably minutes at time before Nakajima finally pulled back, if only so much that he was able to look into my eyes.

“Hey” he said lamely, cracking a smile when I chuckled. 

“Hey” I returned, grinning a little. “I think it’s been a while since I’ve last seen you… Where were you again?” 

“Just shut up, as if you haven’t counted the days” he laughed, and I moved one arm from his waist to be able to brush a few stray strands of dark hair out of his face. 

I smiled and rested my forehead against his, closing my eyes.

“No, the hours” I admitted. I felt one of Nakajima’s hands fisting the hair at the back of my neck, making me shiver slightly. 

There was another moment of silence between us, before Nakajima whispered, barely audible: “I want to kiss you.”

I felt my lips tingle in anticipation only at his words. I drove my tongue over it to wet them. 

“Then do it” I murmured, and Nakajima’s fingers tightened in my hair before I felt him move closer slowly. First his nose bumped mine, and then he angled his head just a little so that he could brush his lips against mine. 

My whole body seemed to tingle just from that small touch, and I seemed hyper aware of every movement Nakajima made. It was nothing more than a few shy touches, our lips meeting again and again for fleeting moments, none of us daring to make it too deep just yet. But it felt amazing, so much more real than what I had felt for anyone else before, and so surreal at the same time because it was Nakajima and I had known him for ages and now…

When Nakajima pulled away again, I was almost going to protest, but I felt like I had no air left in my lungs so the words got stuck in my throat. 

Nakajima looked at me, seeming a little dazed, and if he wanted to say anything, he did not seem to be able to get it out, either. So I just angled my head and met his lips again, deciding to spare the talking for later.

We had done enough talking in the past few weeks. It was all we were able to do until today. So now was the time to enjoy what we could not do before. 

As if we were testing the waters our kiss kept light and soft at first, until I decided that I needed more of this, more of Nakajima, and moved my lips more firmly against his while pulling his body closer against mine at the same time. Nakajima fisted the hem of my shirt and responded in kind, gradually deepening the kiss. 

It was me, who ran a tongue against his lower lip first. I drew it back almost immediately, scared of somehow crossing a line, but when I felt his tongue against my lips as a response, I opened my mouth again to meet him. 

I had to suppress a moan the moment our tongues touched. I felt it all through my body, and it was so intense that all I could do was cling to Nakajima like he was my lifeline. Our kiss became messier from thereon, like both of us tried to get as close as physically possible, trying to touch as much of each other as we could while we kissed. 

When we broke apart again, this time for air, Nakajima leaned into me, murmuring: “Can we sit down? I feel like my knees are going to give away…”

It only occurred to me then, how tired he really must be after the long journey, so I kept my arm around him as we made our way over to the bed, sitting down.

Nakajima leaned his head against my shoulder, closing his eyes, and I drew a finger along his cheekbones, taking in his face.

“Do you want to sleep?” I asked quietly. “Shall I leave?”

“No!” Nakajima said vehemently, opening his eyes to look at me panicky. “We waited for this for weeks. You’re not going anywhere!”

“Then let’s at least lie down and rest a little” I suggested. “You look exhausted.”

“I’m fine!” he protested, but I was already kicking off my slippers and leaning against the pillow, arm spread from my body as a clear invitation for him to snuggle into me. 

Nakajima looked at me for a moment before smiling and giving in, lying down next to me, head on my shoulder. I pulled him further into me instantly, enjoying how he relaxed his body against mine. 

My eyes were on his face as he closed his, my free hand wandering, unable to stop touching him – his hair, his face, his neck, his arm … Nakajima smiled into my touch, murmuring: “This is nice” before slowly drifting off into a deep slumber. 

I enjoyed how his breathing evened out and he leaned totally into me, looking small and peaceful in my arms. Of course, I knew very well that Nakajima was strong enough to look out for himself, but when I had him in my arms like this, I just wanted to take care of him, to never leave him out of my sight again. This was new, but at the same time, it made me feel all warm and happier than I remembered having ever been before.

I don’t know how long we lay there, with Nakajima just sleeping in my arms and me watching him, but slowly, the sun began to set outside, and at some point, Nakajima’s mother knocked at the door, asking if we wanted dinner and when I was supposed to go home. 

Nakajima only clung to me, too sleepy and fuzzy minded to actually answer, and I called through the door that we were not hungry and that I was going to stay over tonight. Nakajima’s mother told me to not forget to notify my parents and left us in peace again. 

It took still a few moments, until Nakajima was sober enough to actually talk to me. I was just writing a message to my mother as I looked up from my phone and caught him staring at me. 

“Hey” I smiled as I pressed ‘send’. “Back to the living?”

“Not quite sure yet” he murmured, smiling too and stretching against me. “I don’t quite want to move.”

“You don’t need to” I shrugged, squeezing my arm around his waist to make the point. “We don’t need to go anywhere. I quite like this.”

“Me too” he chuckled, burying his face into my shoulder. “You are comfortable. I should integrate you in my bed.”

I poked him into the ribs, and Nakajima chuckled, swatting against my arm weakly. I watched him fondly, thinking that he was adorable when he was all jet-legged and sleepy-minded, bending down to kiss his temple, the only part of his face that was actually accessible from his position. He looked up at that, and before I could really pull back again, he had already threaded fingers through my hair, keeping my face close to this. 

“You are so affectionate today” he murmured teasingly. “I’m not used to this.”

“You brought that side of me forward” I murmured, slightly embarrassed at the realization how right he was. “Now you have to take responsibility.”

“Oh, I will, no worries on that” he chuckled, before leaning up to catch my lips in another kiss.

I wondered if I would get used to kissing Nakajima at some point, but for now, this feeling was still so novel that I felt like I could do this forever, reveling in all the feelings it gave me and all the reactions I got from Nakajima to my touches. 

We continued kissing like this for a few more moments before I decided that I was not satisfied with the angle and the position, and I pushed at Nakajima’s shoulder gently so he would lie down on his back, making me able to hover over him. I could deepen the kiss just that tiny bit more like this, and it made Nakajima cling to my back more tightly. 

When I broke our kiss to nibble down his neck, though, it got even more intense. I could feel Nakajima’s pulse against my lips and I noticed how he gulped against my ministration, and when I nuzzled my nose against the point where his neck met his shoulder, taking in his scent, he shivered, clinging even more tightly to me and fisting my shirt. 

“This is really nice” I murmured, kissing his collarbone. “We should have done that sooner.”

All that came as a response from Nakajima was a whimper, and it made me look up at him sheepishly before he groaned, almost panicky: “Don’t you _dare_ stopping now!”

“You want to keep doing this?” I checked, keen to have any kind of verbal reassurance. Because as nice as it was, this was still all so new, and I had no idea where to push or pull yet. “Tell me what you want.”

“Right now? You” Nakajima murmured, closing his eyes again as I stroked my thumb over his cheek. “In any way possible.”

“You want me to kiss you?” I checked, bending down to nibble on his earlobe. “Touch you?” I whispered right into his ear, making Nakajima shiver. “Tell me.”

“At the moment I want so much at once that I wonder if I’m at my right mind” he whimpered, making me immediately sling an arm around him to hold him closer. “Maybe I’m just so over exhausted that everything feels double as intense so that I can’t think, but…”

“I don’t think that’s the problem” I murmured, pulling back a little to look at him again. “Because I did not just fly half across the globe and I still feel the same way.”

“True” Nakajima chuckled, unhooking one arm from my back to reach out to touch my face. I let him, just enjoying his touch for another moment, letting gentle fingers trace eyebrows, cheekbones and lips. 

I had always thought that Nakajima’s fingers were nice – long and slender, still strong due to all the years of playing piano… Somehow elegant. Being touched by those fingers was such a sensual experience, though, that I felt it all through my body, even though it was such an innocent touch. 

“Fuma?” Nakajima whispered. 

“Hm?” I nodded, unable to open my eyes with the way his pointer finger traced the contours of my lips. 

“Is it too fast if I say I want to sleep with you?”

I blinked at those words, my eyes meeting his honest ones. A part of me told me that I should back down at his suggestion, tell him to slow down because clearly we were rushing things… But the part of me that was totally overwhelmed by feeling Nakajima’s warmth underneath me, by feeling his fingers skim over my skin, craved for what Nakajima had in mind. 

I just wanted to feel him, in the most intimate of ways. And right now, I did not care that I had never done this before, neither with a girl nor with a boy, or that a part of me still wondered if this thing between me and Nakajima was a good idea, after all, or if I was really gay to start with… But all of that did not matter to me right now.

I loved Nakajima. I just knew it when I looked at him in my arms, at the way our eyes met… I really, really _loved_ him. And it did not matter if he was a boy or a girl, did not matter how long I had known him… No, that was not true. It was _because_ I had known him for so long, that my feelings were so intense.

Nakajima seemed increasingly insecure the longer I took to answer, and when he was about to draw back his hand, my own shot up to keep it in place. 

“It is probably too fast” I admitted, a little breathlessly. “But I want it, too.”

The tension seemed to disappear from Nakajima’s features and he leaned up to kiss me. I wrapped my arms completely around him and rested my whole weight against his while we kissed, marveling at the way our bodies seemed to fit perfectly together.

As if this was supposed to happen.

It were Nakajima’s hands that started to wander first, along my shoulders and my back until they found the hem of my shirt. He fumbled with it carefully for a moment before I finally broke the kiss and sat up, giving him the chance to pull it over my head. His hands were on my torso even before I could demand for his T-Shirt to be removed as well, brushing over collarbones, chest and stomach. I let myself be distracted for a moment, goosebumps spreading over my skin at his touch, but when he started fumbling with my belt, my fingers found the hem of his shirt as well, demanding equality. 

Nakajima huffed in frustration when he had to let go of me so I could pull his shirt over his head, making me chuckle at his eagerness. 

“Stop rushing” I warned him, gently letting my fingers closed around his wrists and holding them beside his head. “We have all night, you know.”

Nakajima groaned, as if the words were a threat to him, and I loosened one hand from his wrist to let it trail down the skin of his chest. Bending down to kiss him again, I let my hand go on a journey to map his skin, entwining our fingers with the other one, holding onto his hand tightly. Soon, his free hand was all over my skin again as well, evoking shivers and choked sounds from me that I would have been embarrassed about if Nakajima did not mirror my condition. 

When Nakajima’s fingers slipped into the back of my pants, softly palming my buttocks, I did not protest this time. Instead, I traced my own fingers further down from where they had been playing with his belly button, starting to undo the buttons of his jeans. 

There was some awkward fumbling between us because yeah, there was no elegant way to get out of your pants, and Nakajima pulled the blanket out from underneath us to cover our naked bodies as we lay next to each other. 

We looked into each other’s eyes again, and this time, the nervousness was showing in both of our faces. Sure, we had decided that we wanted to do this. Did not mean that we would be confident in our actions, though. 

“Okay, just to be sure” Nakajima murmured, gulping. “Have you ever-?”

“No” I said quickly, sounding strangely breathless. “You?”

“No” Nakajima shook his head. “I always dumped every girl before it ever came that far. I thought I expected too much from my dating partners, but now I know why it never worked out.”

“Why?” I asked dumbly, and Nakajima chuckled, poking me in the ribs.

“Do you need me to spell everything out?!” he teased, moving closer to me to bury his face in my neck. I thought he would let the subject drop as he kissed the skin he found before murmuring: “Because you were always around. I guess I just didn’t realize that I really want you, after all.”

“Oh” I murmured, a warm feeling spreading through me as I slung my arms around his waist, pulling him completely against me. 

“Yeah” Nakajima murmured. “That doesn’t change the fact that we have no clue what to do, though.”

“Well, it can’t be that difficult” I murmured, resting my jaw on his shoulders. “Others can do it, too, so why shouldn’t we?”

“I don’t know about you, but I’ve only been educated about sexual relationships with women.”

“Me too! But can it be that different?!”

“Well, we _do_ have other prerequisites, you realize that, don’t you?!”

Nakajima shut up when I poked him into his ribs ( _hard_ ), complaining: “ _You_ were the one suggesting this, or have you forgotten?!”

“No” Nakajima sighed, holding onto me tightly. “But aren’t you nervous?”

“Of course I am” I admitted. “That doesn’t stop me from wanting to do this, though.”

“Me neither” Nakajima said quietly. “Just… _How_?”

“You want to be top?” I murmured, glad that we were hugging each other so close that he could not see the blush spreading across my cheeks. “Or bottom?”

I noticed Nakajima tense at the question, and he needed a few moments before he could answer. 

“I would say top, but I’m not confident enough for that right now, so maybe… It’s better if you take the lead.”

I nodded, whispering “Okay” and Nakajima snuggled even further into me, if possible. There was a moment of silence before I pulled back from our embrace, pushing him to lie on his back. 

“Tell me if I’m doing anything wrong” I murmured as I hovered above him, meeting his eyes again, and he nodded. I bend down to kiss him again, and when I was positive that he was indulged enough, I let my fingers wander again, lower this time.

When they closed around his erection, Nakajima gasped into my mouth, clinging to the arm I was using for balance. I stroked him a few times, did not linger for long, though, letting my fingers wander even lower, until I found his entrance. 

I traced the hole softly for a few moments, feeling the tight ring of muscles twitch under my ministrations, and wondered seriously how I was going to do this, because it seemed too tight to even push a finger in, let alone myself. 

“Nakajima, please relax” I murmured pleadingly into the kiss, and he groaned before pulling away, glaring at me.

“First thing first, it is _not_ calming me down if you keep calling me ‘Nakajima’ even in moments like this” he complained. “I’ll feel like I am at work and seriously, we’re _naked in bed_ , how intimate do we need to get before you call me ‘Kento’ again?!”

“Sorry” I said guiltily. “Old habits die hard.”

“Second” Nakajima, _no_ , Kento continued. “Try to tell your own body to relax when it’s clamming up all by itself!”

“Okay, okay” I nodded, understanding now why Nakajima – uhm – Kento left me the lead, in the end. I knew he tended to become testy when his nerves got the best of him, and apparently, this was not an exception. “I got it. Just leave it to me.”

Kento looked at me unsurely, and in a sudden rush of inspiration, I started to kiss down his body, lowering myself more and more with each kiss. Kento was distracted long enough to not protest when I licked over his stomach or sucked on his hip bones, only craning his neck to look at me when I stroked his erection again. 

“What are you doing?” he asked carefully, and I did not answer, just trying to calm my own nerves before my lips closed over the tip of his erection. 

Kento gasped, and I heard rather than saw his head falling back into the pillow. I closed my eyes, concentrating as I took in more of him slowly, feeling him pulsing on my tongue and it made me feel light and heady. I took Kento in as far as I could without having to gag, sucking and licking at him in my mouth before pulling away again, looking up at him. 

Kento had his head thrown back into the pillow, eyes closed tightly. 

“ _Fuck_ ” he whispered. 

I grinned, deciding that this was the right way to make him relax. I stroked his erection a few more times before moving even further down, fingering his entrance again. Kento was not fast enough to react before I had already leaned in, kissing and licking at the twitching ring, wetting the area. Kento moaned, clearly taken off guard, but I just used both hands to hold his legs open as they twitched, continuing with my ministrations. 

After a while of alternatively licking and fingering him, Kento’s body seemed to finally relax enough to let me inside. Kento was shaking violently as I pushed a finger inside of him, twisting it, but he was moaning, and I took that as a good sign. 

“Okay?” I whispered, slinging the fingers of my free hand around his erection again, and Kento nodded shakily. 

From thereon, everything seemed to become easier. I tried to stretch Kento’s walls carefully, afraid of hurting him, and distracted him as much as I could by tonguing his erection again, sometimes sucking, but never enough to really work towards an orgasm. 

When I had worked a third finger into him, Kento murmured weakly: “Fuma, isn’t it enough already? I think I’m going to go insane if you continue for much longer.”

“Are you sure?” I asked, looking up at him, twisting my fingers one more time experimentally, making him close his eyes as he nodded. Carefully, I removed my fingers again, moving up to kiss him, maybe a little longer than strictly necessary, but kissing Kento was still my favorite thing out of all those new experiences today. It made me feel all warm and fuzzy and I wished I could kiss him all day. 

“Ready?” I asked when I finally did pull away, pressing the head of my own erection against his hole. Kento gulped, but nodded, holding onto my shoulders.

“Kiss me again?” he suggested, and I gladly followed his demand before pushing forward slowly. 

Kento was incredibly tight and he started shaking again, his body fighting the intrusion still. I stopped halfway in, pulling away to breathe before diving into another kiss and starting to push again. It took a few more tries, and by now, I was shaking as well from going so slow, but finally, I was fully inside of him, my hips meeting his thighs. 

“Okay?” I asked carefully, my voice tensed. “Am I hurting you?” 

“It would be a lie to say it’s not hurting a little” Kento whispered, meeting my eyes. “But it’s okay. Just continue.”

“I’m sorry” I murmured, feeling bad immediately, but Kento’s fingers were in my hair before I could say anything more, pulling my head down for another kiss. 

If possible, I went even slower as I pulled out again, leaving only the tip inside of him. 

“Okay?” I checked again, murmuring it into the kiss this time, and Kento nodded. I took a deep breath before pushing back in, a spark of pleasure running through me, making it hard to breathe for a moment. 

Kento continued kissing me actively, even through our panting, so I continued moving, hoping he would say something if he wanted me to pause. 

Kento seemed to relax more after a while, though, his hand moving from my shoulder to entwine our fingers and breaking our kiss, resting his head in the pillow as he watched me move above him. 

“Good?” I asked breathlessly, clinging to his hand, and it was hard to think properly when Kento was all hot and tight around me, but the corners of his mouth moved up in a slight smile and he nodded, squeezing my hand, and I allowed myself to drive into him just a little faster. 

It took still a few more minutes until I could establish a lasting rhythm, and it was then, that my thrusts seemed to hit something inside of Kento that made him arch his back and moan helplessly. I tried to aim for that spot from thereon, and Kento’s whole body jerked every time I hit it, making it all messy and exciting and too much soon. 

I shakily worked my free hand in between our bodies, stroking his erection in time with my thrusts, and he clung to my hand so tightly that I was not sure if my fingers were still getting any blood, but I did not care much as I kept thrusting into him faster and faster until I was at the cliff and then I was falling, the pulsing of Kento’s erection in my hand almost an afterthought in the sea of feelings I was drowning in. 

When I came down enough to take in my surroundings again, I had collapsed into Kento’s arms. Both of us were still panting heavily and my hand was sticky and I lazily cleaned it against the bed sheets before slinging my arm further around Kento. 

“Wow” Kento brought out after a while, not elaborating his statement further, but he did not need to – I knew what he was feeling, anyways. 

It was only when our breathing had evened out completely and I noticed Kento becoming _too_ still again that I pulled out of him and settled down next to him, making him blink at the movement. 

He seemed too beat to really voice any demands, just reaching out for me, and I got it, settling on my back and holding out my arm for him to snuggle into me, in an imitation of our earlier position. 

“Don’t go anywhere” he whispered, and I chuckled, teasing: “ _I_ never went anywhere in the first place. It was you who traveled across the world and left me behind!”

“Not gonna happen again” he murmured, and I smiled, kissing his forehead. 

It took about 5 seconds for him to fall asleep, and I watched him fondly, brushing the sweaty hair out of his face. 

“I love you” I whispered, even though I knew that he could not hear me. “And I’m not going to let you leave ever again.” 

Kento only murmured something incomprehensible in his sleep, pressing his face further into my shoulder, and I smiled, closing my eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> Enjoyed it? Please leave a comment, I'm anxious to hear your opinions :D


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